OK- Back to the mall. We finally leave the house, 7 girls in tow, but not before the Queen lays down the law to her sister Hallie. “You are not allowed to hang out with my friends-A.” This of course starts a screaming match between the girls about who didn’t let who hang out with whose friend last time they were over. This argument continues the entire ride to the mall. Once at the mall, the girls pile out and the Queen starts telling me where we are going. "First we are going to Victorias Secret, then to Hot Topic then get lunch then can you take us to the movies and wait for us and when the movie is over can you take us all to Anna's house so we can sleep over and I will tell you when to come pick us up tomorrow." This is all said in one breath. Wait a minute, I think to myself. I can't think that fast and I am pretty sure there are things in that sentence that I am not comfortable with her doing. And, by the way, this is going to cost me because now I am feeding and taking 7 girls to the movies. There are now 14 eyes upon me, waiting for me to feed them and provide entertainment. Of course I am a pushover, and never say no, so here we are off to lunch and the movies. All the while my 11 year old is complaining that she wants to go too, and the Queen is adamant that she not be allowed to hang out with her Friends-A. Here comes more fighting. Let's not forget my 7 year old, who is now crying that she wants the chipmunk webkin and why can't we go to Justice and get it? Now I am starting to sweat and wondering if I have a xanax lying around the botton of my bag. See, I am what my daughter calls an overprotective mom. I am not entirely comfortable with leaving my 12 year old to wander with her posse of friends through the crime ridden mall. Call me crazy. I am also not so happy with leaving them in the movies in the mall, but I realize I am in a lose lose situation, so I agree to take them to the movies. Now I am left with the whining 11 year old and the crying 7 year old. The 11 year old tells the 7 year old to shut up. "Don't talk to your sister that way." "Well she cries all the time just because she wants a webkin. Mom,,,Mom...why can't I go to the movies with Sam...Mom...Mom.." Now I am trying to please my unhappy 7 year old who wants a Webkin and my 11 year old who wants to hang out with her older sister and her friends. I am in a no win situation and decide we should go to lunch somewhere that they serve alcohol.
Lunch with my 2 kids (even with the alcohol) is not a good idea. We sit, I order my much needed middle of the day drink, and listen to my kids fight. "Mooommmm tell her to stop looking at me, she made a face at me........" "Moooom...... she called me a bitch (this is from the 7 year old)". When I try to ignore this bickering, my 11 year old breaks into a repeated, extremely annoying cadence of "ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma..." until I yell "WHAT". Now I am really sweating, annoyed and pissed off, but can't order another drink because I have to drive my lovely children and their friends home. Finally, my day at the mall has ended, I dropped the Queen and her friends off, now I am going home with my other 2 kids. Hopefully someone will call and ask if they want to come over. I can only pray.
When I get home, Oprah is on and is having mothers confess how they really feel about motherhood. I watch this show, happy to see that there are so many women who feel the way I do, but realize that the difference between these women and me is that I am at a different stage in my life. Most of the Oprah women have young children. I remember those days as being lonely and exhausing. Having young children was hard, but having older children is harder. I now know the expression "little kids little problems, big kids, big problems." I know my 12 year old is craving freedom that I am not willing to give her. I know she is exposed to so many different things that can harm her- the internet, drugs, sex, and I am trying to maintain a balance between protecting her and giving her freedom to make her own choices. Sometimes I don't have a lot of faith in her choices. She on the other hand, knows everything! It is very difficult to parent a child who knows it all. It is also difficult to parent a child when other parents aren't working with you. For example- if I drop my child off at your house, I expect that they will stay at your house, not walk main roads for pizza, or go to someone elses house who I don't know, or end up sneaking out of a house at 3 am and walking around town (that really happened). Now do I blame the other parents, or do I blame my children. Utlimately, it is my girls responsibility to make good choices, understand and follow my rules and use good judgment. I am definetly losing this battle. I feel like it has become my girls' job to DEFY me, to go against everything I stand for. If I say black, they want white. I make rules, they ignore them. Here is a list of the simplest rules that my kids regularly ignore:
1. Eat only in the kitchen
2. Pick up dirty clothes and put in laundry basket
3. Don't eat in your bedroom (see rule #1)
4. Don't call your sister a bitch
5. Don't say shut up
6. Talk to your parents with respect (pretend we are your teachers when you talk to us)
7. Don't eat in the den (see rule #1)
8. When you eat something please clean up after yourself
As you can see, I am not asking them to power wash the house or re-pave the driveway. I just expect basic human decency from my kids. Did I ask too much? I guess so, because even these simple rules cannot be followed. Unless my girls want money or a ride somewhere, I am pretty much treated like an annoyance around the house. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? If my friends treated my the way my kids do, I would spend time alone. I would never tolerate anyone treating me so poorly. Another question I have is why is it that my kids feel that they are my equal? I haven't been able to say "NO" without an argument in years. The word NO to my children is like an invitation to negotiate. (Negotiation talk to be discussed next chapter)
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